Dear reader,
December 1, 2010, 12:00AM. Ninth day after leaving Emmanuel Institute of Evangelism, I had so much struggle. Here are the highlights:
11/21/2010 – My flight supposed to leave at 9:00AM from GRR airport and supposed to arrive at DIA in Denver at around 10:00AM. On the drive to GRR airport, I had a great talk with Pr. Roth. He inspired me on going out to do God’s will. I also told him that on that day, I would like to go out in the afternoon to go door to door, and I was excited about doing that.
When I entered the airport, I found out that the Flight from Grand Rapids, Michigan to Denver, Colorado was delayed. It was the only flight delayed until afternoon. I couldn’t believe it. On the line to get tickets, I had time to talk to this boy. However, I did not catch his name. In the airplane, I got to sit with a man named Doug. He is in the military, a navy reserved and he was spending his vacation in his hometown, Holland, Michigan. He shared a lot about himself, about drinking, party, the girl that he was with the night before, about his ex-girlfriend who was picking him up from DIA, his work, and what he had done in the Navy. He also told me about what he wanted to do. I was upset that I did not share my God to him.
I arrived in Denver at around 6:00PM and outside, it was getting dark. I knew I wasn’t going to be able to go out and knock doors. So instead, I planned for tomorrow, like getting surveys, and head out to do some surveys.
11/22/2010 – Woke up at around 6:00AM. Studied my Bible, read my devotional, helped my parents with the things they needed me to do and e-mailed Pr. Roth for a copy of the survey. I had breakfast at around 9:00AM, had lunch at around 2:00PM. I received the copy from Pr. Roth. When I was about to print out the survey, the printer said, “No ink on the Cyan and Magenta cartridges.” That means I could not print anything until those two cartridges are filled. So I went straight to Amazon.com and ordered the cartridges with the fastest shipping that they have. I then thought, maybe I can go out and pass some GLOW tracts. When I went out to my car, I saw the driver’s rear tire and yes, the tire was flat. So then I thought, maybe I can walk around the neighborhood to see if anyone is walking around that I can connect and maybe share them a GLOW tract.
It was November, and in Colorado, it can be really cold. I put on two layers of sweater underneath my Emmanuel jacket. I prayed to God that there may be at least one that I can share Christ with. I got my hat on, and as I go out in the cold day, I found not one soul walking in the street on that cold day.
11/23/2010 – Read my devotional and my Bible, but the rest of the day, it was nothing. Helped my parents, but that was it.
11/24/2010 – We had prayer meeting that night, and I was happy to see many of the church members and the youth.
11/25/2010 – I suddenly found myself falling into my old ways. Doubts and lies started to come.
11/26/2010 – Went to vesper meeting and was blessed by the topic shared on music.
11/27/2010 – It was Sabbath, the day that I fond and love. But I felt as if I was missing a relationship with my heavenly Father. Satan says, yeah, you really don’t need your Father.
11/28/2010 – I skipped my usual devotional and fallen back to my old sin. I found myself incapable of doing God’s work for the sins that I have done. I felt as if now, I’m unable to be forgiven. But somehow, there is something deep within my thick, carnal heart, a voice that says, “Assdhy, remember your testimony that you shared at graduation? It is My heart that have drawn sinners to me. It is My heart that drew you to Me.” So I opened my devotional that I’ve skipped. And when I opened the devotional, the title says, “Those Who Return to The Old Paths.” My jaw dropped. I felt God is still watching over me. The devotional was a rebuke to me.
11/29/2010 – In the morning, as usual, I opened my devotional to November 29th. The title states, “Revealing the Triumphs of Grace.” The verse is found in Isaiah 43:12, “Ye are my witnesses, saith the Lord, that I am God.” Yes, like usual, my jaw dropped again as I do every time God smack me on my face with rebukes. Somehow I felt as if God is saying, “ASSDHY, WAKE UP! AND TRUST ME! I’VE CARED FOR YOU AND WILL CARE FOR YOU WHEN YOU DO MY WILL.”
So that morning, I forced myself to go to Rocky Mountain Conference (RMC) to see if there is any position open for a Bible worker and to see if there were any Literature Evangelist (LE) program for a Bible worker. Went to the clerk and I found a disappointing answer. She said that RMC only has one Bible worker who is training churches, so that members can become Bible worker to work for their church. And about the LE program, the clerk told me to go to Adventist Book Center’s manager to ask about the program with Pacific Press. She told me to go back to the clerk and asked for the number to RMC LE’s director. I thought to myself, there is no hope for me here.
I went back home, went online, logged in on The Single Adventists’ (TSA) website. Went to the chat room and find myself talking to a lady that has jellojoy as her screen name. She asked me how my day was, and I told her about what happened. She then told me that I need to call the New York Conference (NYC). She said that NYC is growing and that they need Bible worker. As a lay worker herself, she told me how there are many church plants that needs Bible worker. She gave me the numbers to call and I just could not believe what I’m experiencing. Is this God’s will for me? Fear started to dawn on me. I saw so many impossibilities. I mean, I am a new Bible Worker, brand new graduate, I said to myself, I cannot go out there. But then I said, “I need to fast and pray about this.”
11/30/2010 – I was thinking of calling the phone numbers given to me. But I chose to be lazy and not burst my comfort zone.
12/1/2010 – After devotional, I heard the message from Pr. Asscherick that talked about “KEEP GETTING UP!” Then I read about the blind man from John 9 and all he did was to testify on what Jesus has done for him, and he said in verse 25, I’m paraphrasing, I don’t know if He is a sinner or not, but all I know is that I was blind but now I see. Yes, my jaw dropped finding out that it is another rebuke from God. I was blind. The only way I see was through doing the heart of God.
As I listened to the story of William Miller from Pathways of the Pioneers, these verses came, Ezekiel 3:17-19, “Son of man, I have made thee a watchman unto the house of Israel: therefore hear the word at my mouth, and give them warning from me. When I say unto the wicked, Thou shalt surely die; and thou givest him not warning, nor speakest to warn the wicked from his wicked way, to save his life; the same wicked [man] shall die in his iniquity; but his blood will I require at thine hand. Yet if thou warn the wicked, and he turn not from his wickedness, nor from his wicked way, he shall die in his iniquity; but thou hast delivered thy soul.” I has nothing to say against God’s word. Suddenly the story of Moses flashed through my mind with the words, “GO! CROSS THE RED SEA!”
After coming back home from Wednesday-night prayer meeting, I laid on my bed, look up at the white ceiling, I then thought of the story of Jonah. I asked myself, “would I be happy if I run away from God.” I have been trusted a responsibility to be a part of the heart of God, to seek and to save those which are lost. I ponder and ponder of the happiness of this world, but I could not fit an everlasting joy in it. I then struggled and struggled about fully committing my life to God. I felt as if God is asking me, “Assdhy, do you agape me?” All I can answer God was, “yes Lord. I phileo You.” I know I cannot love God with a divine, unconditional love. But I told God that with my messed up, carnal, despicable, human heart, the only love that I can give God is the phileo type of love. I glanced at the clock and it said, 12:00AM. So I grabbed my notepad and listed the highlights of what have happened since my departure from Emmanuel Institute. After the list, I fell asleep.
December 12, 2010 at 6:00AM, I felt rejuvenated. Opened my devotional, title said, “God Leads us to Perfect Trust.” Malachi 3:3 says, “And he shall sit as a refiner and purifier of silver: and he shall purify the sons of Levi, and purge them as gold and silver, that they may offer unto the LORD an offering in righteousness.” I realized that I am an offering for God. He made me, and all of mine is His. But I forgot to realize that I needed to go through the refining fire. I had to cry knowing that God, a Refiner and a Purifier of silver, watches over His precious silver as it is being purged through fiery trials. He watches it until the dross, the blemishes, and the sinful life of mine is being purged just so that my Refiner can see His reflection in me.
At 8:49AM, I know it was not me, but God was the one that told me, contact Steven. So right away, I sent him a message saying, “Hey Steven, what are you doing today. I'm just wondering, if you are not doing anything, I need a partner to go door to door. I'm wondering if you want to come with me. I can train you if you want me to, or if you are scared, you can just stay right beside me and let me do the talking as you pray when I speak. Do you have time today? I really want to see God working today. How bout you?” I then followed with another message, “Oh yeah, it's to go out door to door to see if there are any interests for a Bible study. I have everything ready, I just need a partner. God said to go 2 by 2. You want to come with me? And again, if you are scared of doing it, all I need you to do is just to pray for me as I speak.”
At 10:32AM, he replied with, “Hey that sounds good I'll go with you. What time are we going?” That brought a stronger faith. I then went straight to Google maps, looked at four territories that we can go out to knock. The territories were in the city of Littleton, on Federal St. in Denver, the city of Sheridan, and also the city of Thornton area. I knew this is God’s will, and if it is His will, I need to plan big for God.
We met at around 1:00PM. Through our drive to Littleton, I told him about God’s will. I also told him the story of Moses. Moses told God that he is incapable of doing God’s will because he could not speak and God appointed Aaron to assist Moses. So I told Steven, “You know what? I think you and I are like Moses and Aaron.” Once we arrived in Littleton, we planned our move, mapped out our plan of “attack,” and let him know that we need to find souls that are ready and is searching for God. Once we were done with the informal, short orientation, we prayed and went on in faith.
No luck on the first door. So was the second, and after many doors later, we finally saw some life.
We met a lady who wanted to be called “Mrs.” From the first question of the survey, “In your opinion, is there a God?” She said “yes.” So I then asked, “Why do you think so?” She was just in awe that she has no idea why there is a God.
Of course, there were also many people that rejected us, but as we go from door to door, I tried to let Steven know of what I have learned and how we should act upon the rejections. He was a fast learner.
We later met an atheist which took me by surprise. This was the first time I met an atheist. I asked God for some knowledge, but I was just in awe that there are people that do not believe in God. He believed that Jesus was just a carpenter, and that there is no life after death and that after you died, you died. And I was like, really? I was just so confused that anyone can think like that.
Bonnie was a nice lady. She was taking care of her mother. We did the survey on her, and she was excited about a drop-off Bible study. I had on my hand a single Amazing Facts study guide. She was just so excited that she took my only copy. So I told her that I’ll come back next week and give her the drop-off Bible study.
I was hoping to go until 5:00PM, but Steven had something planned and that he has to go back at 3:00PM. So I told him, ok, let me know when you are ready. He said we got 12 minutes until three. So second door before the end, we met this man, and told him that we are going around doing religious survey, and he said, “No, I don’t want any of it.” So, I looked at Steven. He didn’t say anything, so I walked a little faster toward the next house hoping that it would be a rejection and we can leave before 3:00PM. I knocked, dogs started barking. I knocked another set, and dogs barked again. When I was about to knock the last set of knocks, I heard the door knob turning. A man, seem to be in his late 30s or early 40s came out half way. I quickly introduced ourselves and went straight to the first question. “In your opinion, is there a God?”
He felt somewhat offended. The dog barked some more, and it forced him to come out of the house to speak to us. He started to be defensive, and I didn’t want any confrontation. He told me that He knows God and He read the Bible. So I stepped back and reminded him that this is just a survey, and it is up to him if he wants to answer it. He asked us where we came from and just many more questions. So I tried my best to answer his questions. He then felt that we were trustable. So he started to answer more questions from the survey.
Once we came to the question, “If you died tonight, do you feel that you would be saved?” He started to fidget here and there and told us, that he is a sinner. He said that the only one that knows if he is saved is God. He mentioned over and over that there are so many things going on in his life that he needed to work with. I shared him about Romans 3:23 that we all are sinners, but God loves us so much that He gave His son for us. He started looking down at the ground, and I shared him about my testimony. He then said, “God must have sent you here for a reason. And that reason is to remind me of God’s love for me.” I see tears in his eyes. He was trying not to show any emotion, but it didn’t work. I knew he wasn’t feeling complete. So I asked him if we can pray for him. He said, “Yeah, you can keep me in your prayers.” I then thought, “Does he want us to pray for him later?” But then I told him, “Let’s pray right now.” So I prayed, thanking God for the divine appointment and prayed for him.”
I asked him his name and he told us that his name is Chris. I asked if he wish to have a Bible study, but he refused, telling us that he is not ready yet.
As we leave his house, we were amazed by how awesome God’s timing is. We walked to the car praising God. As I drove Steven home, I shared him about how God have blessed me and the students when we were in Emmanuel Institute.
God have been awesome. No. God is awesome. He never fails, and friends, if you trust Him, than place your whole trust in Him. If you have fallen, never give up in getting up. God have drawn you to Him and He will be with you always. Is it your desire to place your trust in God? I hope it is.
Blessings,
A. F. Lolowang
PS. I am sorry about the grammar or anything that may have offended you. You are welcome to correct any of my mistakes.
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